My Normal

My Normal
My normal is waking up to the sound of high caliber machine guns firing test rounds as convoys leave the FOB in the morning
My normal is dealing with a full clinic by myself as my tech (the only tech in the whole Area of Operations: AO) has been tasked to sit in front of and guard a tent for the day…meanwhile at the DFAC there is one Soldier scanning ID cards, one Soldier sitting 10 feet away making sure people only take 1 Styrofoam to-go box and a few others casually walking around the chow hall observing.
My normal is attending a mandatory training that interferes with work, sleep or workouts in response to some event that took place recently. Someone commits suicide……class. Someone attempts suicide…class. Someone assaults another Soldier….class. Someone rolls a vehicle….class. Someone posts super duper important information on facebook…class.
My normal is being told by the chain of command that I will be here till August, then November, then August, then November, then August, then November, then August……right now the arrow points to August. Then the chain of command puts out that this is the decision at the moment, it could change, and there are other options on the table. “We just want to put this all out to squash rumors and eliminate confusion”…..wow thanks guys
My normal is laughing super hard at something daily. I work with some of the funniest, craziest, and original people I’ve ever met. Thank God for that.
My normal is getting corrected for wearing my brown t-shirt to work out in while shit bag next to me wears the right shirt to the DFAC for extra ice cream and no one says anything to him
My normal is that I have to decide to use the toilet stall that looks “clean” but smells like someone just spent 12 hours giving birth to a 15 pound show stopper vs the one that amazingly has no odor but looks as though someone decided to re-create a Jackson Pollock painting on the toilet but instead of using paint they used…..you get the idea
My normal is to hear a “Warning, take cover, take cover” while I sit in my CHU in the evening and my roommate and I debate whether we should continue watching the Soprano’s or go outside and sit under the bunker. We may or may not hear a boom…either way it didn’t hit us
My normal breakfast is 3 egg omelet with turkey, onions, green pepper, tomatoes and a little cheese; 1 boxed milk; 1 glass of juice; some type of fruit and maybe some bacon or English muffin. Coffee comes into play about an hour later.
My normal is 5 workouts a week. 3 on 1 off, 2 on 1 off. My normal workout these days makes my old workouts feel stupid, easy and wasteful. Way to go stupid old workouts.
My normal is feeling guilty for not calling family and friends more often but this is mostly because I really don’t have much to say on a day to day basis, the time difference is annoying, and our internet connection mostly infuriates me while trying to have a conversation…..oh and if I imagine that the rest of the world is on hold while I’m here it seems to be easier.
My normal is once a day I feel like taking my coffee mug or fist and throwing it through a wall or someone’s face. I could just…it’s that….I mean if they would…..how could that….but look…oh fuck it, it’s not worth it
My normal is that the Army only cares if I appear to be working hard and making contributions, they couldnt care less if im actually working hard or making any contributions
My normal is watching movies and tv series on my computer at night when I could be doing something more constructive, my list:
Series:
• Trueblood – love it
• Rome – loved it
• Eastbound and Down – I cried…from laughter
• Soprano’s – love it
• Generation Kill – actually really good
Movies:
• Dear John – not good, not bad
• Angels and Demons – good
• Last man standing – loved it
• Underworld – both of them were dumb
• Without a Paddle – dumb
• Adventureland – good
• Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind – got bored, turned it off
• Fired Up – yeah I watched it, actually laughed at one point
• Blah blah blah….Okay this is boring to write and probably worse to read, ill stop cause it’s a long, long list
My normal is that my office just shook from a huge explosion and I didn’t even break sentence with my patient….we all know this was a controlled detonation by EOD…..we hope anyway
My normal is that an Iraqi in a 3 piece suit just cleaned my clinic…and did so with a smile and armed escort.
My normal is that I’m pretty sure the guy in the 3 piece suit actually takes a piss in his bucket and then mops our floors with his urine, yeah it smells that clean…then KBR pays his employer a few bucks, his employer pays him dog shit and we pay KBR a shit ton to “manage” it all.
My normal is that the top drawer of my desk has the following contents: 30 9mm rounds in 2 magazines, 210 M16 rounds in 7 magazines, a 9mm Berretta and $100 cash money (thanks to Duke)….what now Snoop Dogg!
My normal is that my wife, my dog, my family and my friends are always on my mind
My normal is that at times I cant remember what my real normal is